May 5th, 2015
I recently read a study proving that cats like boxes. I realized I am very much like a cat. Of course, as a professional organizer I love boxes of all shapes and sizes to use while organizing. But what I actually related to in the article is the idea of being closed in a confined space. By myself.
There is something about being able to see all of your surroundings at once. The idea that I can close the door and be in control of it staying closed. I like the idea that no one can get to me.
Two and a half years ago, I moved into an apartment with a walk in closet. I found myself in there a great deal. Any time I was getting yelled at by a significant other, I would lock myself in the closet. Sometimes until the other person left. Looking back now, I think it was a safety thing. When people drink and start screaming and waving their arms, it can get really scary. We see kids in movies do this all of the time and as an adult it was my natural way to react. I’ve even slept in the closet a few times.
The closet is also where I go when I am confused and need to think things out. I can recall an incident a few months ago in which I was drunk and confused by a problem that had arisen. I sat in the closet to try to figure it out. This blog, The Closet, is where I have been going to figure some mental things out and start my writing again. It has already proven so helpful and the readers of it have been so encouraging!
My new apartment has two walk in closets and while I haven’t found myself sitting in them to think, I do find myself in them often. However, living alone has allowed me to build up many areas that are enclosed.
In my office, I have built up the objects around my desk so that it is enclosed in its own little cubicle. I have a huge office space and I want to feel blocked in. It has been this way since I was in 5th grade. I can remember when I was in a classroom that allowed us to choose the arrangements of our desks. I loved being in the center of square arrangements. Okay, I know, it seems like that would be the center of attention and as a public speaker of course I love attention. But in reality, it was the opposite. Being in the center meant that no one else had their desk next to mine and no one else could talk to me during class. I enjoy quiet time alone with my thoughts.
One of my favorite things to do when I was a little girl, happened when my dad would mop the kitchen floor. He would pull the kitchen table into the living room and put a blanket over it, creating a fort. I loved spending time in the fort!
Two days ago, I made my own fort. I decided to put my bed into the guest/living room. The only way to do so was to put the bed behind the couch. Now, there is a wall on one side of the bed and the couch on the other. I have a table at the foot of the bed and the head of the bed. I feel completely closed in and I absolutely love it. I slept so well.
For me, being alone is a way to build myself back up. To reenergize. To sort my thoughts. To increase my happiness. I love The Closet.